Thursday, January 21, 2010

Can't sleep...

It's exactly 3:30 am as I start writing this. I don't think I've been up this late since the day of my philosophy midterm last spring quarter: May 4th, the day after my birthday. Honestly, I don't know why I'm still up. It could be because of that coffee bubble tea, but seriously bubble tea? I had that more than 12 hours ago. I'm so light-headed. I just feel like writing.

It'll be in EXACTLY one week and about four and a half hours. It hasn't hit me yet. I don't know why. It's ONE week. Shouldn't it have hit me by now? I WANT it to have hit me by now. I want to start savoring every moment of looking forward to it, because, other than experiencing the actual moment/event itself, it's one of the best feelings ever. Being excited about something/looking forward to something  is one of life's greatest things. It's so underrated. When you're actually experiencing whatever it is that you were looking forward to, it goes by just like that. It ends so quickly. The moment you were waiting months or even years for is already over.

I think learning to appreciate the excitement/the looking-forward-to-ness/the time BEFORE whatever it is you're looking for to helps you to appreciate even MORE that certain moment/experience. It makes the time waiting so much more worth it. That's how it is for me anyway. I think I've only recently started enjoying the excitement. It used to be like "Oh my god, I wish this week would hurry up and pass already," but I try not to think like that anymore. I just wait, and I enjoy it. I think that's part of the overall experience. Including the entire excited waiting process into the experience just literally expands the overall joyfulness, yeah? And then I find that I remember so many more details about that moment I was waiting for, because I'm appreciating it so much more, knowing how excited I was while waiting for it.

I take the time to tear myself away. I take a step back and pretend that I'm just some creeper watching everything around me. I take note of what I hear, what I see, what I feel, what I think. Then I feel like I enjoyed that moment to the fullest capacity because I didn't just let it rush by in front of my eyes. I can remember everything.

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