Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Everything happens for a reason.
No matter how stressed or worried I am, it will pass. I am strong. I am capable.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Can't sleep...

It's exactly 3:30 am as I start writing this. I don't think I've been up this late since the day of my philosophy midterm last spring quarter: May 4th, the day after my birthday. Honestly, I don't know why I'm still up. It could be because of that coffee bubble tea, but seriously bubble tea? I had that more than 12 hours ago. I'm so light-headed. I just feel like writing.

It'll be in EXACTLY one week and about four and a half hours. It hasn't hit me yet. I don't know why. It's ONE week. Shouldn't it have hit me by now? I WANT it to have hit me by now. I want to start savoring every moment of looking forward to it, because, other than experiencing the actual moment/event itself, it's one of the best feelings ever. Being excited about something/looking forward to something  is one of life's greatest things. It's so underrated. When you're actually experiencing whatever it is that you were looking forward to, it goes by just like that. It ends so quickly. The moment you were waiting months or even years for is already over.

I think learning to appreciate the excitement/the looking-forward-to-ness/the time BEFORE whatever it is you're looking for to helps you to appreciate even MORE that certain moment/experience. It makes the time waiting so much more worth it. That's how it is for me anyway. I think I've only recently started enjoying the excitement. It used to be like "Oh my god, I wish this week would hurry up and pass already," but I try not to think like that anymore. I just wait, and I enjoy it. I think that's part of the overall experience. Including the entire excited waiting process into the experience just literally expands the overall joyfulness, yeah? And then I find that I remember so many more details about that moment I was waiting for, because I'm appreciating it so much more, knowing how excited I was while waiting for it.

I take the time to tear myself away. I take a step back and pretend that I'm just some creeper watching everything around me. I take note of what I hear, what I see, what I feel, what I think. Then I feel like I enjoyed that moment to the fullest capacity because I didn't just let it rush by in front of my eyes. I can remember everything.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Missing that Childlike Wildlife

I'm in the living room printing off endless readings for the following week, when the newest addition to the household, Langi prances over and gazes at the printer with wonderment. His eyes dart back and forth from the paper going into the printer, to it coming out from the other end. He jumps onto the paper coming out from it, preventing it from coming out any further, and causing a paper jam within. As I shoe him off, he jumps instead on top of the printer, sticking his tiny paw inside the paper feed, looking back at me like "Wowzers, this is so cool."

I've been observing this little man since the time I finally got back to Seattle. I've admired his enjoyment in the smallest things, from his staring at my laptop screen and trying to "stop" my mouse from darting back and forth with his paw, to his chasing the wrong end of the cat toys (ie: chasing the plastic handle instead of the yellow pompoms on the other end).

After watching him swatting his paw at the curtain drawstrings, my roommate commented "Oh, the joys of youth."

When do our "joys of youth" end? Why does it even have to end? Of course, I'm not saying that we should all start finding joy in watching printers, but why do we need such elaborate and complicated things to be so happy? Why do we have to stress ourselves to be happy? In my opinion, there is so much to learn from this guy. The lesson he has to teach us is this: be grateful for what you have, and enjoy everything around you. Take what you've got, learn to be satisfied with it.

Live life with no regrets--if you do, then you're looking to the past too much. Is that what life's about? Dwelling in the past? What's that going to help with? Essentially, you're just staying stuck in one location. It's getting you NOWHERE. If you screwed up, then deal with it. Don't think of it as a mistake--take it as a lesson and learn from it.